Yes No
Male Female Other (please describe):
African/Black Asian/Pacific Islander Caucasian/White Latino/Latina Native/Indian Other (please describe):
1-8 years (elementary school) 9-12 years (high school) 13-16 years (college) 17+ years (graduate/professional school)
Married Civil Union Separated/not living together Divorced/not living together Living together Other (please describe):
0 - 5 years 6 - 10 years more than 10 years not living together
How many children are you currently raising with your parenting partner?
Under $10,000 $10,000 - 14,999 $15,000 - 24,999 $25,000 - 39,999 40,000 - 59,999 $60,000 - 89,999 90,000 - 179,000 Over $180,000
5 years old 6 years old 7 years old 8 years old 9 years old 10 years old
Female Male
Biological parent Step-parent Adoptive parent Other (please describe):
Physical disability Chronic illness Behavioral problems Emotional difficulties Developmental delay Learning problems Other (please describe):
Never Rarely Sometimes Usually Always My partner tells me lots of things about this child. My partner fills me in on what happens during this child's day. My partner says nice things about me to this child. My partner asks my opinion on issues related to parenting. My partner shares the burden of discipline. My partner says cruel or hurtful things about me in front of this child. My partner uses this child to get back at me. My partner tries to get this child to take sides when we argue. My partner delivers messages to me through this child rather than saying them to me. My partner supports my discipline decisions. My partner undermines my parenting.
Never Very rarely Rarely Sometimes Often Very often Almost always How often do you “undo” or oppose a limit your partner has set with this child? How often do you find yourself saying something negative about your partner to this child?
Never Rarely Sometimes Often Very often My partner and I argue about our child's behavior. My partner and I argue about how to discipline our child. My partner and I argue about our roles in the family.
Not at all intense A little intense Somewhat intense Very intense Extremely intense
Never Rarely Sometimes Often Very often It is difficult in these days of tight budgets to confine financial discussions to specific times and places. How often would you say you and your partner argue over money matters in front of this child? Children often go to one parent for money or permission to do something after having been refused by the other parent. How often would you say this child approaches you or your partner in this manner with rewarding results? Partners often disagree on the subject of discipline. How often do you and your partner argue over discipline problems in this child's presence? How often has this child heard you and your partner argue about your roles in the family (staying at home, working, etc.)? How often does your partner complain to you about your personal habits (drinking, nagging, sloppiness, etc.) in front of this child? How often do you complain to your partner about her personal habits in front of this child? To varying degrees, we all experiences almost irresistible impulses in times of great stress. How often is there physical expression of hostility between you and your partner in front of this child? How often do you and/or your partner display verbal hostility in front of this child? How often do you and your partner display affection for each other in front of this child?
0-9% 10-25% 26-50% 51-75% 75-100%
Very satisfied Pretty satisfied Neutral Somewhat dissatisfied Very dissatisfied In general, how satisfied are you with the way you and your parenting partner divide the family tasks (e.g., providing income, cleaning up after meals, paying bills, doing laundry)? In general, how satisfied are you with the way you and your partner divide family decisions (e.g., decisions about financial planning, how you spend time, vacations)? In general, how satisfied are you with the way you and your partner divide child care in your family?
Not at all true A little true Somewhat true Fairly true Very true Highly true I respect my child's opinions and encourage him/her to express them. I don't think young children of different sexes should be allowed to see each other naked. I feel a child should be given comfort and understanding when s/he is scared or upset. I try to keep my child away from children or families who have different ideas/values from ours. I believe that a child should be seen and not heard. I express affection by hugging, kissing, and holding my child. I find some of my greatest satisfactions in my child. I prefer that my child not try things if there is a chance s/he will fail. I encourage my child to wonder and think about life. I usually take into account my child's preferences in making plans for the family. I feel a child should have time to think, daydream, and even loaf sometimes. I do not allow my child to say bad things about his/her teachers. I teach my child that in one way or another punishment will find him/her when s/he is bad. I do not allow my child to get angry with me. I am easygoing and relaxed with my child. I talk it over and reason with my child when s/he misbehaves. I trust my child to behave as s/he should, even when I am not with him/her. I joke and play with my child. My child and I have warm, intimate times together. I encourage my child to be curious, to explore and question things.
Not at all true A little true Somewhat true Fairly true Very true Highly true I expect my child to be grateful and appreciate all the advantages s/he has. I believe in toilet training a child as soon as possible. I believe in praising a child when s/he is good and think it gets better results than punishing him/her when s/he is bad. I make sure my child knows that I appreciate what s/he tries or accomplishes. I encourage my child to talk about his/her troubles. I believe children should not have secrets from their parents. I teach my child to keep control of his/her feelings at all times. I dread answering my child's questions about sex. When I am angry with my child, I let him/her know it. I think a child should be encouraged to do things better than others. I believe that scolding and criticism make my child improve. I believe my child should be aware of how much I sacrifice for him/her. I do not allow my child to question my decisions. I let my child know how ashamed and disappointed I am when s/he misbehaves. I want my child to make a good impression on others. I find it interesting and educational to be with my child for long periods. I instruct my child not to get dirty while s/he is playing. I control my child by warning him/her about the bad things that can happen to him/her. I don't want my child to be looked upon as different from others. I don't think children should be given sexual information before they can understand everything.
Not at all true A little true Somewhat true Fairly true Very true Highly true My partner respects our child's opinions and encourages him/her to express them. My partner doesn't think young children of different sexes should be allowed to see each other naked. My partner feels a child should be given comfort and understanding when s/he is scared or upset. My partner tries to keep our child away from children or families who have different ideas/values from ours. My partner believes that a child should be seen and not heard. My partner expresses affection by hugging, kissing, and holding our child. My partner finds some of her greatest satisfactions in our child. My partner prefers that our child not try things if there is a chance s/he will fail. My partner encourages our child to wonder and think about life. My partner usually takes into account our child's preferences in making plans for the family. My partner feels a child should have time to think, daydream, and even loaf sometimes. My partner does not allow our child to say bad things about his/her teachers. My partner teaches our child that in one way or another punishment will find him/her when s/he is bad. My partner does not allow our child to get angry with her. My partner is easygoing and relaxed with our child. My partner talks it over and reasons with our child when s/he misbehaves. My partner trusts our child to behave as s/he should, even when she is not with our child. My partner jokes and plays with our child. My child and my partner have warm, intimate times together. My partner encourages our child to be curious, to explore and question things.
Not at all true A little true Somewhat true Fairly true Very true Highly true My parenting partner expects our child to be grateful and appreciates all the advantages s/he has. My partner believes in toilet training a child as soon as possible. My partner believes in praising a child when s/he is good and thinks it gets better results than punishing him/her when s/he is bad. My partner makes sure our child knows that she appreciates what our child tries or accomplishes. My partner encourages our child to talk about his/her troubles. My partner believes children should not have secrets from their parents. My partner teaches our child to keep control of his/her feelings at all times. My partner dreads answering our child's questions about sex. When my partner is angry with our child, she lets our child know it. My partner thinks a child should be encouraged to do things better than others. My partner believes that scolding and criticism make our child improve. My partner believes our child should be aware of how much she sacrifices for our child. My partner does not allow our child to question her decisions. My partner lets our child know how ashamed and disappointed she is when our child misbehaves. My partner wants our child to make a good impression on others. My partner finds it interesting and educational to be with our child for long periods. My partner instructs our child not to get dirty while s/he is playing. My partner controls our child by warning him/her about the bad things that can happen to him/her. My partner doesn't want our child to be looked upon as different from others. My partner doesn't think children should be given sexual information before they can understand everything.
Strongly agree Mostly agree Somewhat agree Somewhat disagree Mostly disagree Strongly disagree The problems of taking care of a child are easy to solve once you know how your actions affect your child. Even though being a parent could be rewarding, I am frustrated now while my child is at his/her present age. I go to bed the same way I wake up in the morning, feeling I have not accomplished a whole lot. I don't know why, but sometimes when I'm supposed to be in control, I feel more like the one being manipulated. My mother was better prepared to be a good parent than I am. I would make a fine model for a new parent to follow in order to learn what s/he needs to know to be a good parent. Being a parent is manageable, and any problems are easily solved. A difficult problem in being a parent is not knowing whether you're doing a good job or a bad one. Sometimes I feel like I'm not getting anything done. I meet my own personal expectations for expertise in caring for my child. If anyone can find the answer to what is troubling my child, I am the one. My talents and interests are in other areas, not in being a parent. Considering how long I've been a parent, I feel thoroughly familiar with this role. If being a parent of a child were only more interesting, I would be motivated to do a better job as a parent. I honestly believe I have all the skills necessary to be a good parent to my child. Being a parent makes me tense and anxious. Being a good parent is a reward in itself.
Strongly agree Agree Not sure Disagree Strongly disagree I often have the feeling that I cannot handle things very well. I find myself giving up more of my life to meet my children's needs than I ever expected. I feel trapped by my responsibilities as a parent. Since having this child, I have been unable to do new and different things. Since having a child, I feel that I am almost never able to do things that I like to do. I am unhappy with the last purchase of clothing I made for myself. There are quite a few things that bother me about my life. Having a child has caused more problems than I expected in my relationship with my partner. I feel alone and without friends. When I go to a party, I usually expect not to enjoy myself. I am not as interested in people as I used to be. I don't enjoy things as I used to. My child rarely does things for me that make me feel good. Most times I feel that my child does not like me and does not want to be close to me. My child smiles at me much less than I expected. When I do things for my child, I get the feeling that my efforts are not appreciated very much. When playing, my child doesn't often giggle or laugh. My child doesn't seem to learn as quickly as most children. My child doesn't seem to smile as much as most children. My child is not able to do as much as I expected. It takes a long time and it is very hard for my child to get used to new things.
Not very good at being a parent. A person who has some trouble being a parent. An average parent. A better than average parent. A very good parent.
Strongly agree Agree Not sure Disagree Strongly disagree I expected to have closer and warmer feelings for my child than I do and this bothers me. Sometimes my child does things that bother me just to be mean. My child seems to cry or fuss more often than most children. My child generally wakes up in a bad mood. I feel that my child is very moody and easily upset. My child does a few things which bother me a great deal. My child reacts very strongly when something happens that my child doesn't like. My child gets upset easily over the smallest thing. My child's sleeping or eating schedule was much harder to establish than I expected.
10+ 8-9 6-7 4-5 1-3
Strongly agree Agree Not sure Disagree Strongly disagree There are some things my child does that really bother me a lot. My child turned out to be more of a problem than I had expected. My child makes more demands on me that most children.
Much harder than I expected Somewhat harder than I expected About as hard as I expected Somewhat easier than I expected Much easier than I expected
Strongly agree Agree Disagree Strongly disagree I am satisfied with the way my children treat me. I think that my children do not like me very much, which upsets me. My children are usually a joy and fun to be around. I am pleased with the amount of love and affection I receive from my children. I think my children would consider me to be a good parent. I am delighted with the relationship that I have with my children. My children's cooperative behavior pleases me greatly. I am dissatisfied with the way I express love to my children. My children add variety to my life which is stimulating. My children annoy me too much in front of my friends. Being a parent has brought me a lot of work and heartaches. Having children causes many problems between partners. The most difficult years of my relationship with my partner have been the child-rearing years. I think my children will be a source of comfort and security in my old age. My children's sense of humor amuses me. All the efforts a parent makes for her children are worthwhile in the long run. I think my children will always contribute to my happiness. Overall, I am not happy being a parent. I can't wait until my children grow up and move out. It pleases me that having children has kept me feeling young.
Always disagree Almost always disagree Frequently disagree Occasionally agree Almost always agree Always agree Not applicable Handling family finances Matters of recreation Religious matters Demonstrations of affection Friends Sex relations Conventionality (proper behavior) Philosophy of life Ways of dealing with in-laws Aims, goals, and things believed important Amount of time spent together Making major decisions Household tasks Leisure time interests Career decisions
All the time Most of the time More often than not Occasionally Rarely Never How often do you discuss or have you considered divorce, separation, or terminating the relationship? How often do you or your partner leave the house after a fight? In general, how often do you think things between you and your partner are going well? Do you confide in your partner? Do you ever regret that you made a commitment to your partner? How often do you and your partner quarrel? How often do you and your partner “get on each other's nerves”?
Every day Almost every day Occasionally Rarely Never
All of them Most of them Some of them Very few of them None of them
Yes No Being too tired for sex. Not showing love.
Extremely unhappy Fairly unhappy A little unhappy Happy Very happy Extremely happy Perfectly happy
Never Almost never Sometimes Almost always Always Launching personal attacks Focusing on the problem at hand Remaining silent for long periods of time Not being willing to stick up for myself Exploding and getting out of control Sitting down and discussing differences constructively Reaching a limit, “shutting down," and refusing to talk any further Being too compliant Getting carried away and saying things that aren't meant Finding alternatives that are acceptable to each of us Tuning the other person out Not defending my position. Throwing insults and digs Negotiating and compromising Withdrawing, acting distant and not interested Giving in with little attempt to present my side of the issue
Never Almost never Sometimes Almost always Always Launching personal attacks Focusing on the problem at hand Remaining silent for long periods of time Not being willing to stick up for herself Exploding and getting out of control Sitting down and discussing differences constructively Reaching a limit, “shutting down," and refusing to talk any further Being too compliant Getting carried away and saying things that aren't meant Finding alternatives that are acceptable to each of us Tuning the other person out Not defending her position Throwing insults and digs Negotiating and compromising Withdrawing, acting distant and not interested Giving in with little attempt to present her side of the issue
Strongly agree Agree Not sure Disagree Strongly disagree By the end of an argument, each of us has been given a fair hearing. When we begin to fight or argue, I think, "Here we go again." Overall, I'd say we're pretty good at solving our problems. Our arguments are left hanging and unresolved. We go for days without settling our differences. Our arguments seem to end in frustrating stalemates. We need to improve the way we settle our differences. Overall, our arguments are brief and quickly forgotten.