Case 7: Charlie I saw the figure crossing the street through my binoculars. He had a high-collar woman's coat on and a pair of sunglasses, as though a bit of cross-dressing would throw me off. But I had watched him for months, and no disguise could fool me. I knew that the person walking into the woman's shoe store was none other than Kevin Spacey.
I don’t know why he thought he could fool me. We had been friends for several months. We spent a lot of our time together watching his movies. I knew he was a talented actor, but nothing could have prepared me for what he actually was.
Have you met anyone who was better at you in something? Of course, we all have. I always had figured that everyone is good at something, and nobody is good at everything. I used to think that I was a good writer. I used to think that I had a girlfriend who would love me forever. I was wrong…about everything.Our friendship began one day when I was introduced to him through a wonderful movie that I still recommend called L.A. Confidential. It had an excellent cast and all in all it’s a great movie. When the character of Sgt. Jack Vincennes came on I knew that I had a new friend and his name was Kevin Spacey. I got to know him through some of his other movies. In every movie I got to watch him take on a new character that was so believable, not necessarily because of the writing, but just because of the little things that Kevin would put into the roles.
For example, in American Beauty Kevin plays Lester Burnam who, like every American, whether they work in an office, or a pizza parlor, or movie theatre, wants to tell their boss to go fornicate themselves with an iron rod. They want to tell them how it is, because most supervisors treat their employees like dirt and just expect their employees to smile and take it. Not Lester Burnam, no, he does what every American wants and tells his boss to shove it. The way that Kevin plays this role gives you the idea that you could do it too… and maybe even end the day with a joint.
Then there is Kevin’s acting in The Usual Suspects. The first time that I watched this movie I enjoyed it. A lot of people complained saying that you never get a hint that Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze, but that’s just not true. During the movie, Chazz Palminteri’s Character is questioning “Verbal”. During the first viewing you don’t really catch the great acting job that Kevin did, but upon a second viewing you can watch Kevin as his eyes move around searching for the next part of the story. It almost made me cry.
And of course there is the movie Se7en, I should have known when I saw this movie about the kind of man that Kevin is. Watch the opening credits of this movie and you won’t see Kevin’s name anywhere. In fact, the producers intended that Kevin should receive top billing at the start of the movie but he insisted that his name not appear in the opening credits, so as to surprise the audience with the identity of the killer. Sure, that was a great idea, in fact, it may have even made the movie better. Who was the killer? No one knew, until the end, at least. Then they gave him top billing at the end of the movie, even with actors of the caliber of Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman actually starring in the movie. I should have known not to trust someone who was a great actor and had a brilliant mind to insist that his name not be listed in the beginning.
Until August of 2005, I had really just thought of him as a talented actor, one who couldn’t be anything more. I had watched him in so many great movies, where he had only show his acting skills. Movies like American Beauty, The Usual Suspects, Se7en, The Big Kahuna, K-Pax, and even the movie where he decided to showcase his amazing voice, A Bug’s Life. Ah, A Bug’s Life, that movie shows that he doesn't take himself too seriously, that he can stay grounded and do something that won't win him an Oscar now and again. He plays the villain, which also shows that he doesn't always have to be the guy everyone likes. His performance, even when it's just a vocal performance, is sublime. You hear the phrase "fun for the whole family" thrown around quite a bit these days, but thanks to Kevin's remarkable performance, A Bug's Life is actually fun for the whole family.
Like I said before however, my enjoyment of Kevin Spacey films ended in August of 2005. My girlfriend, Sarah, and I were getting into the latest craze of musician flicks. I had bought her De-Lovely, a nice biopic on her favorite songwriter, Cole Porter, and she had bought the movie Ray. We were enjoying the movies so one night when I was spending some time with friends at the mall I picked up a movie that I had heard of, but that I hadn’t seen. I knew that Kevin was in it, but I wasn’t really interested in singer movies at that point. I figured that my girlfriend would like it however and so, being the great boyfriend that I am, or so I thought, I bought it for her. That was my first mistake. The second mistake was allowing her to watch it.
Beyond the Sea was an enjoyable movie. My girlfriend loved it and I really thought it was great. I have a habit you see of going online and researching movies that I like. So, I checked up on Beyond the Sea and I found out that Kevin Spacey did his own singing and dancing. I watched the movie again and noticed that he was an excellent singer and dancer, the fact that my girlfriend was swooning over his voice was getting me a little nervous. I didn’t think it was too bad though, until I checked on the internet again and noticed that he co-wrote the screenplay and that he directed. It just wasn’t right.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, is supposed to have limits. Like I said, I thought I was a talented writer, but I know that Carol Shields is a better writer than I am. My college professor David Huddle is also a better writer than I am. However, I know that I do some things better than they do. We are all talented people. None of us can do everything well. Basically I am mediocre in just about everything that I do. But everybody else has their limits. Judy Dench is a stellar actress but doesn't have the physical looks anymore. Danny DeVito is incredibly short. Tom Cruise is a burned out husk of a man who died long ago and is puppeted by Satan himself. But Kevin, he just goes beyond all boundaries. It's not enough to be able to just act well, is it? No, he has to do it all, as proven in Beyond the Sea. I can’t even begin to understand why it is that he has to do everything for that movie… and perfectly, I might add.
It all started okay. My girlfriend, while fascinated with his amazing voice wasn’t too bad. She wanted to watch that movie all the time and I let her, like an idiot. I mean, I wanted to make her happy. I had forgotten how she swoons over anyone with a good singing voice, and Kevin Spacey has the best. In order to stop her from watching the amazing dancing, acting, directing, and dialogue in the movie, I decided to purchase her the soundtrack to the movie. I didn’t mind doing this, because it not only made her happy, but she also loved to sing and anything that got her to sing more often made me happy. She had the voice of an angel.
I also couldn’t blame her at first. Even I was becoming a bit obsessed with Kevin Spacey. He was talented and although I tried to hate him, it didn’t work. I wrote a short rant to him, made a video slideshow of him and continued to watch his movies and be amazed by him.
After a little while I got worried. She started writing long emails to a mysterious address that I didn’t recognize. It wouldn’t have been so bad, except she was sighing a lot while she was writing the letters and when I asked her who she was writing to she wouldn’t answer me. I let that drop when she got mad at me, but then when I walked in the door numerous times after work to her sending kissy noises over the phone to a mysterious caller I was starting to get pretty uneasy.
One day I walked in to the apartment to her not being there at all. I looked around and noticed that her laptop was gone. I wasn’t too worried at this point. There was always the possibility that she had gone to visit her parents. She often brought her laptop when she went there. I did get worried when I noticed that all of her favorite clothes were gone, including my favorite shirts that she wore that showed off her amazing cleavage. I turned to walk out of the bedroom door when I noticed a letter sitting on the pillowcase. I walked over, picked it up and opened the letter. I began to read:
Dear Charlie,
You have been absolutely amazing to me these past three years. You have helped me out through so many difficult times and given me all the love you had. I thank you for that. You have showed me what love is and made me the person I am today. I am stronger, more confident, and have accomplished so much do to your constant encouragement. You are one of the most wonderful guys in the word and I really couldn’t have asked for anyone to treat me better than you have. I didn’t ask, but I did get it received though, in Kevin Spacey. The movie that you last bought me made me see what else is out there, and then when Kevin emailed me I just knew that I had to email him back. Charlie, he’s even better than we originally thought, and you should see his penis.
Anyhow… I’m writing this letter to explain to you why I am gone. I have gone to live with Kevin at his mansion. I have left most of my belongings that you use at the house, so that you can use them. Kevin told me that I could go on a shopping spree for the TV and everything when I get there. You can have the bed too, I’m going to be using Kevin’s. I did take the cat, I couldn’t leave without her. I hope you understand.
Love, SarahI think that day was the first time I had cried in a long time. I was also angry. He stole my woman, my cat, and all the talent in the world. He needed to suffer a horrible death. The problem was that he would most likely kill himself much better than I could. I sat down on the bed and just stared out in silence trying to find a high point in all this. I though about Kevin and then finally I had an epiphany. Kevin was losing his hair, he was becoming bald, at least there was one thing that would make me feel better about this whole thing, I mean, not much better. I had something though.
I stepped outside of the bedroom and looked at the apartment. Sarah had so much fun decorating this place and now it’s just staring at me at me, making me remember everything about her. I looked up and noticed the newest decoration she added to the place. It was something that she said she had picked up from her grandfather’s place. She said it had always made her smile. I read it now: God made very few perfect heads, the rest he covered with hair. I hit my hand to my forehead and inside my head I screamed. “Damn!” She thought bald men were sexy.
I turned to my computer, my baby, she always gave me beautiful music and of course all my children, i.e. stories. My music comes out of the hibernation as my computer comes back to life. The music starts to blare out of the speakers.
Fate seemed to pull the strings
I turned and you were gone
While from the darkened wings
The music box played onSad little serenade
Song of my heart's composing
I hear it still, I always will
Best on the bill
CharadeAlright, I thought, now even the computer is mocking me. What is with playing one of the songs from Beyond the Sea? With Kevin Spacey’s voice piercing my ear drums with his women seducing voice, it was all I could do not to throw my darling computer out the door. I knew at that point that I had to get out of the house. I decided to call up my good friend, Nick, to bail me out.
“Hey Nick,” I began, “What are you up to tonight?”
“Not much, Chuck, Julie and I were actually planning on watching a movie. Would you and Sarah like to join us?”
“Sarah’s not here,” I started, I didn’t really want to let him know that she had left me for that douchebag. “I wouldn’t mind joining you, however. What are you guys going to watch?”
“Well, we aren’t positive yet. Julie wants to check out Beyond the Sea and I was thinking about watching The Usual Suspects. We’re in the mood to watch a good Spacey movie actually.”
“You know, Nick, I actually just realized that I’m a little busy tonight. I promised Beth that I’d go to a bar with her. We’ll have to hang out soon though.”
“If you’re sure, that’s okay. Let us know if you change your mind though.”
At that point I couldn’t believe it. Now Nick and Julie were going to be pulled in by the evil of Kevin Spacey. I was pretty upset, I was only hoping that Beth would be able to hang out, because I needed her. Nick and I said adieu, only not in another crazy language, and then I decided to get in contact with Beth.
Beth and I spoke for a little while and then I asked her if she was up for a beer. Beth, is always up for a beer. She told me that there was a new beer that she discovered at a local bar and asked me to join her. Now, when I say that Beth is always up for a beer, I don’t mean that she is a drunkard or even that she’s up for any old beer. She is a connoisseur of beer and really alcohol in general. She likes the best and makes the best. Before she talked me into trying beer, I hated beer. I had tried it and disliked it, Beth chose great beers for me to try and helped me to enjoy beer. She has a phrase she likes to spout when giving someone something new, “Remember,” she says, “if you don’t like it, you never have to drink it again.” She was great for trying new things. I was glad to have her for a friend, because I needed beer and now.
Beth took me to the new bar and bought me the new beer. It was good.
“Hey Charlie, you’re looking pretty down.”
“Yeah, I guess I am a little.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really, Beth, let’s talk about something else.”
“Sounds good, how about D&D? When are you starting that new game? I need more hack’n’slash!”
Beth and I drowned ourselves in high class beer all night and talked about D&D, beer, non Kevin Spacey movies. It was a great conversation. By the end of the night we were discussing my writing and how I was doing trying to sell my novels and screenplays. I confessed that it really wasn’t going so well and told her how wonderful it would be if there was only some way to get Hollywood connections as an amateur writer. Beth and I went back to my apartment and before Beth left to go back home we played some video games. The night went so well, I completely forgot about Sarah and how she left me.
I went to bed that night and looked over and Sarah’s pillow and remembered everything. I didn’t sleep well that night at all. When I woke up I knew I had to do something. I just didn’t know what.I decided to get online and check out some of the agents for writers around. Too bad that you really have to have connections to get around in this world of a million writers I thought. I did a search for more places to submit my work to when I found triggerstreet.com. I decided to do some research on it before I got really excited. There were plenty of sites around that only exist to get people’s hard earned money. I ended up doing a search on triggerstreet.com and noticed only one name consistently coming up. I’m sure that you’ve guessed it by now. Kevin Spacey. Kevin Spacey, according to the report I found, started triggerstreet.com in order to help struggling writers get a leg up.
I had a great idea the previous night and now Kevin Spacey, that bastard, was taking my idea and making it his, just like my girlfriend. I hate Kevin.
I had to take a walk. I couldn’t be near my cheating computer. I bundled myself up in my trenchcoat, fedora, black scarf, and leather gloves, it was starting to get cold outside. I took a walk down toward the market area. I needed to clear my head. With my hands inside my coat I fingered my binoculars as I walked, pondering how I was going to get back at Kevin when I saw a figure that I would recognize from anywhere. I pulled out my binoculars and held them to my eyes.
I saw the figure crossing the street through my binoculars. He had a high-collar woman's coat on and a pair of sunglasses, as though a bit of cross-dressing would throw me off. But I had watched him for months, and no disguise could fool me. I knew that the person walking into the woman's shoe store was none other than Kevin Spacey.
I watched for him to leave the store for about two hours. After I didn’t see him leave the store yet I knew that I had to check the inside. It didn’t make sense that I would miss him leaving, since I hadn’t taken my eyes off the store since he entered. I decided to walk in and casually look around. I entered the store as nonchalant as I could. I looked around the store and couldn’t find him anywhere. A woman behind the counter who looked just about his height asked if she could help me find anything. I told her that I was looking for Kevin Spacey and she got excited that he was around town. I told her that he came into the store a couple of hours ago, but that I didn’t see him leave and that I was waiting outside to ask him for his autograph. The woman looked upset.
“I just got here a couple of hours ago,” she said, “I must have just missed him. That really sucks.”
I told her that I might have been wrong and that I only thought I saw him, so she wouldn’t be too upset. As I walked out I cursed the fact that I missed him. I looked around for him all day and saw him a couple of times, but for some reason he kept changing his clothes and he kept eluding me. It wouldn’t have been so bad, and I probably would have gotten over it if I hadn’t seen him walk into Von Bargens. Von Bargens is the store that Sarah used to drag me into to look at the engagement rings that she liked. She enjoyed giving me hints. I got upset when I saw Kevin Spacey, this time wearing a tan trench coat, brown beret, and platform high heels, walking into the jewelry store. I still didn’t get why he kept dressing as a woman. I walked by the store as casually as possible looking in at Kevin while he spoke to a man that Sarah used to call Eric every time she went into the store. We had become friends with Eric, even housesitting for the man, now it was Kevin speaking to him.
I watch the transaction, a pretty ring that Sarah had said that any woman would want, being purchased by Kevin. I was heart broken. I sat down on the bench nearby and put my head in my hands. Kevin was going to ask Sarah to marry him. She had only left me yesterday and she was already going to be engaged to the balding man. I saw the figure walk out of the store and down the street. I didn’t go after him, I realized that I had already lost my girlfriend and I was inconsolable. I decided that it was to go home.
The walk took a long time. I was walking slower than usual, with each step seeming to emphasize just how alone I was now. When I got home I took a long bath and crawled into bed. I wanted to sleep… but I didn’t want to dream, so I took a strong dose of Nyquil to knock me out for the next 8 or so hours. I don’t even remember my head hitting the pillow.
When I awoke the next morning, I noticed an unexpected sight. My cat was sleeping on the pillow next to me. I started at the sight, since I thought that Sarah had taken the cat. I checked the time and noticed that it was noon. I had slept longer than I thought I would. I heard some light singing in the next room and got a little paranoid. I grabbed the closest durable item, which was my Hulk action figure, and clutched it ready to throw it at whoever was in my apartment. I turned the corner and noticed Sarah sitting in her favorite chair with her laptop perched on her lap. I looked at her funny and made a small cough so that she would notice me.She looked up, put her laptop aside, and jumped up to give me a kiss.
“Hey Sweetie! I really missed you! I tried to wake you up last night, but you were out. How are you?”
“I thought you had left me.”
“Left you? Charlie, I was at my school trip, you know the Whale Watch. The class that I work with at school had been planning this all year, remember?”
“What about Nyla then, where was she?”
“What are you talking about, Charlie? Why are you acting this way? Remember, you thought you might go back to see your mom, so I dropped Nyla off at my parents.”
“And this letter?” I handed her the letter, still in disbelief.
She read it, looking up every once in awhile. Finally she spoke, “Charlie, this is an amusing letter.”
“Amusing? Why did you write it?”
“I didn’t. Look close, sweetie. This is your handwriting.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah… your writing. Are you really that obsessed with Kevin Spacey? You really shouldn’t worry. I wouldn’t leave you for him.”
“But he’s perfect.”
“I thought you were trying to dissuade me from going with him. Don’t worry.”
“But I heard you making kissy noises over the phone to some mysterious caller.”
“Charlie, I told you before that my dog answers to kissy noises and that I talk to him on the phone. You know, you really shouldn’t bundle up all of these emotions, you should really talk to me before you go crazy next time.”
Sarah and I spent a lot of time that Sunday talking to each other. She spent a lot of time reassuring me that she didn’t leave me, but I still didn’t really believe her. Why should I? Kevin Spacey is too perfect.
In the end, I believed Sarah, but she insisted that I go to group therapy. I couldn’t really blame her, although I still think that it was probably Kevin’s idea, so that while I’m at therapy she can spend time with him. Well, at least she’s only cheating on me with Kevin and hasn’t left me. At least that’s something.
Group Therapy | Case 1 | Case 2 | Case 3 | Case 4 | Case 5
Case 6 | Case 7 | Case 8 | Case 9 | Case 10 | Therapy Session
