Case 3: Anthony I started hunting at the young age of 10. My father would take me hunting every October for pheasant and then later for deer. I can still remember the first time my father took me out. He had told me that hunting was something that every man in our family enjoyed. It was tradition that I would learn all about it. After taking a hunting and gun safety course I took hold of my first rifle. The feeling was overwhelming. It almost felt like being in control of a part of the food chain. God gave us the tools and mind to create this weapon to help us get food. That’s how I looked at it then. Now, it’s a little different. Sure, I may eat the meat when I kill a buck, but it’s not needed, it’s just for fun.
My father taught me all that I know about hunting today. He made me love this sport and everything that comes along with it right down to the sitting and waiting and to the feeling of connecting with the animal that gave its life. When a boy kills his first animal it’s called “first blood”. I got my first blood when I was 12. We were out in the woods and out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of white. I turned my head and saw a 6 point buck. I took a shot my gun shaking slightly in excitement. I closed my eyes as I pulled the trigger and when I opened them I saw the look in my father’s eyes. He was so proud of me that day. The men gathered around me and they took my picture.
I had a really memorable hunting experience happen before I had even picked up a gun about the time I was 7. My father had taken me with him because I had asked him to. We ran across a doe that had been shot, but was still breathing. One of the men shot the doe and then we started to walk away.
“What about the deer?” I asked.
My father didn’t look back but he pulled me aside and knelt down beside me. He told me that it was bad thing to kill a doe and that it was illegal. He told me that we had to go back to find a phone to call the ranger. We had to do our duty. My father took the death of the deer very seriously.
“What if it was an accident? Do you still get in trouble?”
“Anthony, when you are hunting you need to be responsible. Before I take you out with you armed, you will be taking a safety course. Every hunter should. Shooting a doe shouldn’t happen during buck season, even by accident. You should see the deer’s rack before you shoot. You need to know what you are shooting at. Do you understand?”
I nodded. I didn’t really understand at the time, but I tried to understand. When I took the hunters safety course and learned all of the rules a year later though, I had learned.
Until two years ago I always went hunting with my father. He was a hunter through and through until the day he died. My father was a tough man, but he was also very proud. He never would go to the doctors unless my mother would force him, but when she died he stopped going, all he cared about was hunting. When he finally went to the doctor they found out that he had cancer and that it had spread out to all of his body. For some reason he took it in stride. He even made jokes about having cancer of the cancer. He only had one request, “Anthony, I know that I’m going to die. I just want to go hunting with you one more time.”
We went hunting one more time before he passed away. We took a 2 week vacation in the woods behind my father’s camp that we stayed in every fall since my mother died. On the last day that we were there my father shot his last deer, a beautiful 12 point buck. When we got home I brought the head to a taxidermist and my father passed away about a week after I mounted it in his living room. I took the head to my house and hung it in my den. It’s a wonderful way to remember my father.
********
I still hunt, but now I go it alone. My father’s friends offered to go with me, especially the first year after my father’s death, but I turned them down. They told me that I should reconsider. My father had always been a man who believed that men should go hunting alone, for safety reasons as well as the fact that hunting is a great way to spend time with those men or women who are important to you. Hunting from the point that my father died had become a great way for me to unwind and even spend some time with my father, in a way. He was always there with me at least in my mind. That’s why I had always turned them down. I liked to be alone with my father, and this seemed like the only way to do it.
During my hunting trips as of late I have built my tree stand into a tree near where my father and I stood when he shot his last deer. It had become such a spiritual place for me. I sat there with my father’s favorite gun at the ready when I saw the familiar flick of white. I turned but I couldn’t see the top of the deer’s head as it was barely concealed by the tree in front of it. I squeezed the trigger and shut my eyes. I heard the familiar drop that told me that I had hit gold. I clamored down off the tree stand with my father’s rifle at my back and made my way out to the deer. As I moved in closer I saw the deer’s head and my jaw dropped. I just killed Bambi’s mom.
I couldn’t believe what I had done. I started to curse as I paced around the beautiful creature that lay slain at my feet. If the authorities found out about this I was sure to be in trouble. The rangers around this area were known to be kind to people who kill doe, even it was most definitely an accident. I remembered just the year before when a buddy of mine had found a slain doe out when he was footing around the woods. He called the ranger about her and he got questioned about it terribly. He was upset about it and we heard about it for weeks. The ranger was tough on him, and he really shouldn’t have. It’s not like Aaron shot the doe, he just found her. I was not willing to go through that, especially since I had no witnesses, save my father who couldn’t speak. I covered the girl with leaves and ran back to the camp for a shovel. I would have to bury her. My gun wasn’t common anymore and they would be able to trace her back to me easily.
“I knew I should have taken my gun.” I said out loud. Although, I knew that was a joke. I shouldn’t have shot her, I should have waited, like my father always said.I prayed to my father for forgiveness as I dug the hole. It was a shallow hole that I threw her in, almost like myself. I was so shallow for what I was doing, I knew I should do what was right, but I didn’t want to be burdened with the legality of it all. I covered the doe up as quickly as I could and went back to camp. I was done with hunting for the season. I really didn’t want to go back out there. I spent the rest of the week at my father’s camp and when the week was over I went back to work and back to my normal schedule. I couldn’t help what was about to happen.
The first week back I received a flyer in the mail talking about why you shouldn’t shoot doe during buck season. It had about 5 pictures of beautiful doe peering off the page at me; sometimes she was with her fawn, while in others she was alone. I took this to be just a coincidence. What else could it be? I had received these flyers almost every year. Still, I felt a little shaken up as remembered my father’s advice from back when I was 7. I should have made sure of what I was shooting at. I decided that I had to let this event drop. It was nothing.
My week went on with other odd occurrences. When I was walking from lunch back to work on a couple of days I swore I thought I saw a doe following me when I glanced in the store windows as I passed. I turned around to check but each and every time there was nothing there. It was really starting to bother me around the third time it happened so I started to bring my lunch to work and not bother going out to lunch. It started a new craze at work, so that wasn’t so bad. The rest of the week went by without any problems, so I was sure that my seeing things were over. I felt pretty relieved by this.
In the beginning of the next week I ran into an old pal of my mine. He was pretty excited, so I asked him what was up. His eyes lit up. “Tony, you’ll never guess what happened.”
“You’re right, what’s up?
“I got my first deer yesterday. A beautiful 8 pointer.”
“Congratulations Andrew, isn’t it great to get the first one?”
“It sure is Tony. I’ve been hunting for years and never caught one. When did you get your first?”
“I believe that was when I was 12, Andrew.”
“12, huh, well, you beat me, but mine sure was a beauty. You’ve got to see him. Can you come up to my camp this evening?”
“Sure, I’ll be up after work today.”
We said our good-byes and then I headed for work. The day went by pretty uneventfully and at the end of the day I headed out to my car to head up to Andrew’s place.
Andrew lived out in the country on 10 acres of land that was pretty much all wooded area. It has always been a great place to head for weekends with the guys or to have bonfires. It also makes for a beautiful and peaceful drive. Well, at least it usually is peaceful. It isn’t uncommon to see a deer on the way to Andrew’s house, but today I saw 30 doe all standing at the edge of the road on the side that was closest to the passenger side of my car staring at me. Usually as soon as deer hear my car they run into the woods considering I put the deer alert whistles on my car to help make sure that I don’t hit any with my car. The doe seemed to be evenly spaced along the side of the road and it was really starting to freak me out.
I arrived at Andrews feeling pretty nervous. A lot of crazy things were happening and the doe in the woods were all staring at me, making me feel on guard. Andrew came out to greet me.
“What’s wrong, Tony? You look like something’s bothering you.”
“Nah, nothing’s wrong,” I told him, trying to shake this feeling from myself. “Now, let’s see this buck you got.”
Andrew led me to his garage where I saw the buck still in the back of his truck. “I just got back here myself,” He explained.
“I was pretty excited, so I’d been driving it around showing my family.”
“I remember doing that with my first buck. You’ve got to do that with the first one. It’s something special to shoot that first one.”
“I think they’re all looking forward to the venison that I’ll have after I take care of this baby.”
After taking a look at the corpse in the back of the truck I turned to my friend and felt prepared to make an educated statement on his find. “He’s a beauty.” I told him. “He should give you some good venison as he looks like he was in great shape when you got him. You know, in a way, I guess I’m like your family.”
“Oh, and how’s that?”
“Well, I hope you invite me over when the meat is all prepared.”
“You know I will. You’ll have to give me some of your recipes, Tony. You always make the best venison meals.”
“You know, last year my friend Beth invited us over for some delicious venison tacos. They’re easy to make, but it’s also a great way to use that meat. We’ll have to try that first. I’ll give her a call to see what she adds to the meat to make it taste so damn good.”
“I look forward to it.”
Andrew and I spent most of the evening talking and when I looked at the clock and saw that it was nearly ten o’clock I made my way out of the house and headed back for home. On my way home I saw about 40 doe standing on the side of the road just watching me. They were standing just as before only on the other side of the road, still on the side closest to me. Things were getting stranger around here. I only hoped that it was an occurrence that would not be repeated again.
When I got home I went straight to the fridge for a snack before bed. What happened on the way home must have been due to me not eating enough that day. I took out my favorite easy snack of a muffin from Costco. I especially enjoy the blueberry kind. After that I took my usual nightly shower and went to bed. I was having trouble falling asleep so I decided to use the age old method of counting sheep. I got to 125 before I even got tired. I watch each sheep jump over the fence and at 176, just before I fall asleep the sheep change into doe and I fall into a fretful night of sleep.That night I dreamed that deer were hunting me. I was walking through the woods wearing a hat that had antlers on it and I was unarmed. Of course, not that it was anything that I would wear anyway. I walked into an opening and saw a large buck standing there. I stepped on a small branch and seemed to have startled the buck. I thought that he was going to run away, but instead he stood on his hind legs and picked up a shotgun that looked very similar to my father’s old thing. I turned and ran as fast as I could before he could get a good shot in. I ran into about 5 other deer, both bucks and doe, before I was able to find my way out of the woods. I ran into my camp and sat down in the chair that I like to sit in after a long day of hunting. The last thing I saw before I woke up was a deer with a gun looking in through the window and leveling the gun to my head.
I awoke the next morning sore and tired. I hadn’t slept well all night and there was no way that I was going to be able to get into work on time. My eyes hurt and every time I closed my eyes all I could see was the deer that I had shot. I called into work and told them that I wasn’t feeling well and that I’d be out for the day.
I drew myself a bath and tried to relax by playing myself some classical music. My mother would always take a bath when she got stressed out or if she had a bad night. I filled the tub and added in some Epsom salts. I turned the music up, grabbed one of my hunting magazines and lay down in the full tub. I opened the magazine and saw a doe, much like the ones I kept seeing staring at me. I cursed. I cursed loud, and then I threw the magazine across the floor. I should have known better. Who in their right mind would choose a hunting magazine, especially Deer and Deer Hunting, when they are trying to relax and forget about deer? That wasn’t going to work. I decided to just relax. I listened to Mozart’s Magic Flute float across the room. As I sunk into relaxation finally I shut my eyes and pulled my head under water.
After my bath I was feeling pretty good so I fixed myself up a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and sit in my favorite recliner to watch some football. I had just put my feet up when my phone rang. I placed my bowl on the lamp stand beside me and went to answer the phone.
“Hello,” I answered.
No answer.
“Hello,” I repeat. “Is there anyone there?”
That’s when I heard it. I heard the unmistakable sound of a deer call.
“What kind of a joke is this?”
I heard the noise again and slammed the phone down. I turned to walk back to my seat when the phone rang again. I answered it angrily.
“What do you want?” I yelled.
And again I heard the call. I slammed down the phone again. As soon as I had set down the phone it started to ring again. I ran into my bedroom and put on my work clothes. It would have to be better there. The best part is that my work is only a 5 minute walk again through the city, which means that I wouldn’t have to drive through the country.
I walked out of my house to see a single doe standing on my small lawn. My neighbor Jim was walking in front of my house going for him daily walk. He called out to me. “Hey Tony, did you see the game last night?”
“No Jim, I missed it.” I turned to look at the doe and she was gone, she completely disappeared. “Hey Jim, have you seen any deer around these parts?”
“You know we don’t see deer around here. Deer haven’t been seen around here in years.”
“So, you mean, you didn’t see…?”
“See what?”
“Never mind.” I must be losing my mind.
I jogged to work getting more and more disturbed as I saw a deer on each person’s lawn that I went by. I got to the office
and was glad to be inside. I stopped inside to see my boss to let him know that I showed up.“Tony, you came in. Feeling better?”
“I’m not sure, Steve, but I felt that I should try to make an effort today. Staying at home wasn’t making me feel much better. I think it’s just stress.”
“Well, I glad you’re here. Let me know if I can do anything for you.”
“Thanks.” I turned to go to my office. Maybe work could help take my mind off of what was going on. One thing I always loved about my job was that if I didn’t want to work it was rather monotonous, but I could always find something to keep my mind off of what was going on in my life if needed.
I walked into my office to the phone ringing. I was nervous and really didn’t want to answer it, but I knew I had to. I took a deep breath before picking up the receiver.
“Upper Valley Central Press, Anthony Kirkland speaking.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I took the call from my coworker and answered the questions he had about the meeting that I was going to be running tomorrow and make the friendly chit-chat that made my job so great. Working in this office always provided me with great people to talk to.
After hanging up I turned my mind and my attention to the computer so that I could finish up my notes for my meeting tomorrow afternoon. The phone rang again. I picked it up and greeted the caller. I was responded to with a hearty deer call. I dropped the receiver on the floor in surprise. I picked up the phone and hung it up. About 5 minutes later I received another phone call from the deer person.
I buzzed in to the secretary, “Carrie, can you please hold my calls?”
“Sure thing, Tony.”
The rest of the day went by pretty smoothly until lunch when I went out to speak with Carrie. When I first walked out she was sitting at her desk talking to her two friends Jodie and Sarah about the yoga class they had started taking. From what I heard they were enjoying it and Jodie and Carrie would be probably continuing with classes sometime in the future, but Sarah was worried about money. The three girls looked really into their talk and I hated to interrupt such an important conversation, but I had to.
“Carrie, do I have any messages?”
“A couple, Tony. Let me get them for you.” She turned around and opened a drawer and pull out three yellow slips for me. She handed them to me and turned her head up to face mine. “Some guy called three times and asked me to take a message for you. He wouldn’t tell me his name, but he said you would understand the messages.”
I gave Carrie a confused look and thanked her. I took a look at the messages as I headed down to the cafeteria. The notes simply read, “That doe sure was pretty.” I stared at the notes in disbelief before ripping them up and stuffing them into the nearest trash can. All during lunch continued to look around nervously, who was calling me? Who knew what I had done?
I told Carrie to continue to hold my calls when I headed back from lunch. I didn’t want to receive anymore phone calls. I spent the rest of the workday getting my visuals prepared for the meeting the next day. Without a phone ringing, work was really starting to relax me. Funny, I thought, usually I can’t wait to get out of here. Today was different though, I really didn’t want to leave.
At 4:30 Carrie knocked on my door and told me that she was heading out.
“Are you coming too, Tony. The work day is over. It’s time for a little fun. The girls and I are going out for sushi… You looked a little stressed today. Would you like to tag along?”
“I don’t know Carrie, I’m not sure I’m ready to go yet.”
“Come on, Sarah’s boyfriend is coming too, so you won’t be the only guy there.”
“You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?”
She smiled. “Nope.”
“Alright, just let me check my mail.”
Carrie waited in the doorway as I saved my presentation and opened up my mail to find 30 new messages all from someone listed as “Jane Doe.” I opened up the first in my box to find a picture of a doe staring at me. I held in my gasp of surprise and I switched off my computer. Looking at Carrie, I smiled and said, “Nothing important. Let’s go.”
I walked out of the office with the three girls and we met up with Sarah’s boyfriend Charlie in the parking lot and walked to what the girls were saying was the best sushi place in town. On the way to Sakuras I swore that I saw 5 doe standing just behind the bushes. I was starting to feel really guilty about the poor doe in the woods behind the camp.
My company must have realized that something was up because they were trying to draw me into the conversations that they were having even more than usual. I appreciated it, but I couldn’t keep my mind off of the deer. After sushi we all walked back to the office and Carrie gave me a ride home. Giving me a nod as I stepped out she called out, “Hey Tony, you should relax tonight, you seem a little tense.”
“Hey, don’t you worry about me. Have a great night, Carrie. Thanks for inviting me along tonight.”
I walked back toward the house. When I turned back around to wave one more time to Carrie I was shocked to see 5 doe standing on my front lawn. I walked into the house and locked the door. I went into the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. I looked at my face in the mirror and noticed large bags under my eyes. No wonder the girls asked me to join them. I look awful. I stared at my reflection for a couple of minutes longer. Before I left to go into the living room however, I shut my eyes for a moment and when I opened them I saw a doe right behind me. I turned around but nothing was there. I knew it for sure at that point, I was a nut job. I had gone crazy.
I spent the rest of the night cleaning up my house and trying to figure out what I was going to do. First things first, I though to myself, I need to go back to the deer in the woods. Maybe I can unearth her and then call the ranger. I’m sure that’s what my father would suggest. I couldn’t believe that I had actually shot that doe. My father from the time I was 7 had continuously trained me to look first before shooting and to always count the points before taking my shot. I couldn’t belief that I had taken the shot without seeing its whole head.
By the end of the night my apartment was spotless, I had decided to unearth the doe after my meeting tomorrow, and I had worn myself out so much that when my head hit the pillow I was dead to the world. The night was filled with dreams of doe running through a field and trampling me. Let’s just say I didn’t sleep well again.
I woke up and took a shower and got ready for work. I was trying to build up my confidence for what I would be doing later that night. Work went by in a daze. I can only assume my presentation went well because my boss told me so as I was heading out the door. I smiled and thanked him. I got home and jumped into my car and headed for my camp.
Along the way the doe on the side of the road were shoulder to shoulder and their eyes were looking red. I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on driving. I arrived in short time and grabbed a shovel from the camp. I headed out for the spot where I buried the deer. The place looked just like I left it. I took the shovel and started to dig. I dug down deep and uncovered all the earth that I had used to cover the deer, but she wasn’t there. I couldn’t find her. I took my shovel and ran to the camp. I thought to myself, she’s gone, there’s nothing to worry about… Maybe she never really died… maybe she got up and ran away. I knew that was crazy though. I called up the ranger’s office and told him my story of the hunting trip. He came down to the camp right away and I took him where I had dug up the deer. He looked and asked me where she was.
“I honestly don’t know officer.”
“Tony, I’ve never know you to be a prankster, but I have heard nothing of this doe that you claim to have shot. Son, I think you’re stressed out. Maybe you should look into therapy.”
“I’m telling you the truth.”
“I’m sure you think you are. Are you going to be okay up here, or should I escort you home?”
“I’ll be fine, sir. Thanks for coming up.”
That night when I drove home I saw only half of the deer that I saw on my way to the camp. When I got home I opened up the phone book and looked up therapy. I found an ad for a group therapy group. I called them up and signed up with them. Maybe I really was crazy. I guess only time will tell.
At that point I was tired, so I climbed into bed and shut my eyes. Tonight’s dream brought about a singular doe lying in a field. She looked at me with a sad look in her eyes. She turned around and looked toward the woods behind her. I followed her gaze and saw a faun stumble out of the woods. He looked at me and faded away into nothing.”
Group Therapy | Case 1 | Case 2 | Case 3 | Case 4 | Case 5
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