Case 10: Victoria “Hmmm… the air is too cold to wake up, I thought, pulling the covers over my head. I looked to the right. I looked to the left. There, sleeping beside me was Matt.]
“I had been dating Matt for two years now, and lately he’d been acting a little weird for my liking. I had unofficially moved out of my parent’s house and into his apartment about 2 weeks ago. Living with a guy isn’t the same as just dating him I decided. I looked over at him lying beside me. He started to groan and move a bit. He’s probably going to wake up soon, I thought.
“I got out of bed with a bit of a groan and stumbled over a box that I still hadn’t unpacked in the bedroom. I really need to fix that, I thought, but kept going. At least I didn’t stub my toe I though. That always hurts like a bitch. I had promised Matt that I would cook him breakfast this morning, but I was starting to regret it. I was still tired after last night since I hadn’t slept that well. It was my week though. Matt and I had decided when I moved in that we would alternate cooking breakfast on Sunday mornings. I was a bit lazy though, really it was Matt’s idea. I went along with it though. I figured my cooking would only get better anyway.
“I decided upon eggs and bacon this morning, since I knew that I could cook that stuff just fine, and pulled out the stuff that he had bought only the day before. I decided to cook the bacon first. Besides the fact that it would give me something to nibble while I cooked the eggs, I had realized the week before when Matt cooked me breakfast that cooking eggs in bacon fat is really good. I didn’t want to eat too many eggs though because I was starting to gain weight and I didn’t care much for that. I would eat the bacon however.
“ ‘That doesn’t make any sense,’ Matt called as he entered the room.
“ ‘What doesn’t make sense?’ I replied, not understanding his last statement.
“ ‘That if you eat bacon it’s okay, but not the eggs. The eggs are better for you than the bacon, probably even if they are cooked in bacon fat.’ He answered.
“I didn’t understand where he was coming from. I hadn’t even told him what I was thinking, yet he was able to answer it without even asking me what I was thinking about. Maybe, I thought, that’s what moving in does to you. I never really got a chance to observe people cohabitating as I was growing up.
“ ‘No, it’s because you keep talking about it,’ He said, again reading my thoughts.
“He did it again. He is amazing, I thought. He gave me a look that pretty much said that I was crazy. I didn’t understand why he was doing it though, must be a man thing. I wouldn’t know since I didn’t have a father. I started to tear up because I missed my father who had died years earlier. I hated thinking about it, but I hated crying about it even more. My period must be coming soon, I was more emotional than usual.
“ ‘Don’t cry, Tori,’ said Matt, ‘I know you miss you father. I bet he’s really proud of you, I know that I am. You are such a beautiful woman.’
“I was shocked yet again that he was able to read my mind. He had said exactly what I needed to hear and about what. I started to sniffle and then gave him a hug. Being held tight by Matt always felt great. It felt like I belonged. Maybe this was what living together does to you.
“I finished cooking breakfast and placed it in front of Matt with a flourish. He looked up and smiled at me. Then he gave me another funny look. ‘Why do you keep looking at me like that?’ I asked, a little annoyed by the looks I kept getting from him.
“ ‘Oh, Tori, You are quirky and it’s pretty damn cute,’ he responded.
“I took it as a compliment. I was never one to get upset by someone calling me quirky, in fact, being quirky was something that I had always prided myself on. I figure, there is no pride in being normal. It’s good to be a bit strange. I sat down to my plate of bacon and began to tear into a strip. The bacon was pretty fatty today and although it took longer than usual in the pan, it cooked up just like I like it. Mostly crispy with those little pockets of fat. It tasted delicious. Because I kept complaining about my weight I decided to not say anything and just enjoy my meal in peace. Matt was looking at his food and seemed to be looking intensely at the food.
“ ‘Is the food okay?’ I asked, a little worried that I had cooked something not too his liking.
“ ‘Nothings wrong with it,’ he said smiling, ‘in fact, it’s really good. I don’t know, I’m not sure exactly what’s up. I’m feeling a little odd today.’
“ ‘Okay, let me know if I can do anything for you,’ I responded lovingly.
“We continued our meal in silence. I’m glad that he liked his food, I wasn’t feeling so bad now about cooking the meal since I got to eat my delicious bacon and he looked like it was good.
“When I finished eating I decided that I might as well clean the dishes from breakfast so that I wouldn’t forget later. If Matt or I don’t do dishes right away they end up piling up pretty high and it gets a little gross, I thought.
“Just as I was finishing up my dishes Matt came in and placed his dish in the sink that I had just emptied. I was pretty upset. I just finished all the dishes and now he was just expecting me to clean his dishes too. I hate being walked over and he was did it to me.
“ ‘Sweetie,’ he called as he walked out of the kitchen, ‘You cooked such a great breakfast and already did most of the dishes. I was hoping to help you. Don’t do the dish I just put in the sink, please. I’m going to clean it after I get dressed.’
“ ‘Okay,’ I called, a little less pissed. At least he was planning on doing his own dishes. I wiped down the table in the dining room and then walked into the bedroom to get dressed myself. He was just putting on his pants as I walked in. As his arms flexed slightly I saw his muscles bulge a bit. It was pretty hot. I wanted to walk over and grab his arms, so I did. I loved feeling his muscles. He smiled at me and slipped his shirt over his head.
“ ‘I was thinking, would you like to go to the zoo today?’ he asked me.
“ ‘Sounds good to me,’ I answered. I had never been to the zoo, even though I had lived in this town most of my life. I wondered if I would like it.
“ ‘Alright,’ he said, “I’ll go and clean my dish and then we can go after you get dressed.’
“He walked out of the room after giving me a kiss on the forehead and left me to get dressed. I love when he kisses me on the forehead. I can always feel it for about a minute afterwards and it feels pretty good.
“I looked through my clothes, unsure of what I want to wear. I sit down on the bed to think and then I see my orange shirt poking out of my dresser. If I wear my long black coat-like sweater over it, it would look great for the zoo.
“After I finished dressing I went to the front closet and pulled out my shoes and put them on, I called out, ‘Hey, Matt? Are you ready to go?’
“ ‘Yeah, I am,’ he replied. Then, he walked into the bathroom. He wasn’t ready. He keeps doing this to me. He’s not ready if he still has to use the bathroom, I think. I pace the floor outside of the bathroom and wait for him to appear. When he does, I head for him.
“ ‘You know,’ I say, trying to keep my voice sweet, “If you still need to use the bathroom, then you aren’t ready.’
“He looked at me and then hugged me, ‘Sorry dear, I’ll try not to do it again.’
“I wanted to believe, I thought, as he hugged me. I had brought this up to him before and he’s still doing it.
“ ‘I’m really sorry, I promise from now on, on my love for you I will try to not say I am ready before I am actually ready.’
“ ‘Okay, I hope you keep that promise, or you’ll drive me up a wall,’ I say, smiling because, no matter how mad at him I get, I just can’t stay mad. ‘So, are you ready now?”
“ ‘I will be as soon as I put my shoes on and grab my coat,’ he says, smiling.
“I smiled back at him and give him a kiss on the forehead. ‘Excellent,” I tell him. As soon as he’s finished with his shoes and has put on his coat, I grab his arm with mine and we head for the door to go to the zoo. I climb in the passenger seat after he unlocks the door and I wait for him to enter the car. He turns the ignition on and I turn to him and give him a smile. He smiled back at me and put the car in reverse. We were off to the zoo for the first time in my life.
“The drive seemed pretty short, but we didn’t talk much. Matt didn’t seem much like talking, so I just looked out the window. The pretty houses flew by quickly reminding me of how much I love this town. On the way I saw plenty of strange sights though. I pointed out to Matt a boy talking to a tree while wearing a ducky cape and a woman standing behind him in a corset and boots. They seemed to be playing superheroes, although they seemed a bit old for that. ‘Don’t they look funny, Matt?’
“ ‘They do, I wonder what they are doing.’
“ ‘I’m not sure, but I’m glad they aren’t my family.’
“Matt and I continued some idle chit chat throughout our ride. Nothing was important, but it was nice to just spend some time talking to each other about unimportant things.
“We arrived in good time and I saw that there were plenty of spot right near the opening, but Matt insisted on parking as far back as possible. ‘Why don’t we park up front?’ I asked. He told me that he likes to walk. I think that’s crap, but I don’t tell him that. We start to walk the long way to the front gate and he gives me a glare that I think is unjustified. I don’t look at him like that. Besides I really hadn’t said much to him, I only asked why he parks so far away. I decide to just sigh and move on though. During our walk a car alarm went off twice and the noise seemed to irritate Matt like nothing else. He’s usually more talkative than today. I wonder what is up with him.
“When we arrived at the front gate we waited a few minutes for the admissions man to show up and when he did I thought that he looked hilarious, and very angry. I don’t understand how any mother could love a face like that, but I guess that either his mother did love him and helped him to develop a love for animals, or perhaps that his mother had dropped him off here as a baby and he was raised by the elephants. He glared at me, and I was starting to wonder if there was something on my face, or if everyone was in a pissy mood today. As if to answer my question, a car alarm in the parking lot went off for the third time since we got here. Matt started to grind his teeth and he grabbed my arm and escorted me into the park.
“He brought me over to a large map in the middle of the entrance and showed me all the animals. I was surprised at the amount of animals that we would be able to see and wondered what time we would be getting out of here. I was already starting to get hungry again.
“ ‘There are some restaurants in the park, Tori. So don’t worry about what time we’ll get out of here. We can eat lunch in a bit and then if we have to we can stay for dinner.’
“ ‘That sounds like a plan.’ I said, ‘Where to first?’
“Matt replied, ‘The monkey area is always fun to visit, then we can visit the otters or some other cute animal. I bet you’d like the otters.’
“ ‘Alright,’ I responded, “Lead on kind sir.’
“We started walking and we passed plenty of animal cages, pens, and areas. I started to wonder why we couldn’t start with something closer as we passed by the otter area and kept walking. We reached the Monkey area when we couldn’t walk any further. I didn’t see why we walked all the way across the park, when we could have worked our way here.
“ ‘You know, Tori, I showed you where the monkeys were. You could have told me that we could work our way here awhile ago.’ Matt looked pissed again. I was starting to regret coming here today.
“ ‘No, it’s fine sweetie, I didn’t mind the walk at all.’ I lied. We turned to look at the monkeys. Sitting in front of me was a Howler monkey. The sign said that the howler monkey was originally from the rainforest, but this one was born in captivity. I wasn’t impressed. The monkey I was looking at wasn’t actually from the rainforest. He was really only an imitation of a real howler monkey in my opinion. I thought that in order to east Matt’s mood that I should make some comments about how great the monkeys were. ‘Wow,’ I said, ‘these monkeys actually really cool. I could stay here all day.’
“ ‘I’m sure you could,’ he said, rolling his eyes, ‘but I think we should move on. What would you like to check out next? The otters?’
“ ‘The otters sound cute,’ I responded. They’ve got to be cuter than these monkeys anyway, I thought.
“We made our way through a ton of exhibits to the otter area. We looked in and we saw absolutely nothing. Isn’t this fun, I thought. We looked in for awhile and when I was just about ready to go we heard a noise and looked back in. An otter had just shown up. She had a crayfish in her paws and while we watched started to devour it. Although it was a little disgusting watching her consume the crayfish, I had to admit that she was cute. Her fur was wet, since she had just come out of the otter’s pond and I think I fell in love. I watched her for a few minutes and then Matt, who seemed anxious to leave asked me if I was ready to go. ‘I suppose so,’ I answered him, not really ready to move on.
“ ‘We can stay a bit longer if you’d like.’ He said to me.
“ ‘Nah, I’m ready,’ I replied.
“We moved on and continued to walk around the park. We stopped at various pens and cages and looked in on the animals. Around noon, we departed for the zoo diner. We sat down and looked at the menus. I hate menus that use cutsie names for their items. I don’t want to eat Dumbo’s favorite Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. I want to eat a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. I looked at Matt, ‘Sweetie, I think I’ll have the cheeseburger today.’ I’ve gotten used to having Matt order my food for me. It’s easier for me because I don’t have to think and it makes him look like a gentlemen. It’s really win-win. When our waitress came, I noticed how terrible she looked. Did they hire any good looking people at this zoo? Clearly not. When I looked again, she looked pissed off at the world, just like everyone else today. Matt ordered for me as I glanced around the zoo diner. The menu was horribly done as well as the decorations. I snapped back to reality when Matt spoke.
“ ‘You know,’ he said, glancing at me, ‘I think we’ll have our meal to go.’
“When the waitress left, I asked him, ‘Why are we going to have it to go?’
“He answered, ‘I think you’ll have more fun outside. They have some nice picnic areas over by the elephants. I think it will be nicer eating there.’
“I didn’t really care where I ate, so I just nodded my head. That should keep him happy, I thought to myself. Our food was brought out quickly and Matt got up to grab it from the waitress. He paid her the money that we owed over at the counter and seemed to have a bit of a whispered conversation with her. I hate when people talk behind my back, so as he walked over to me I asked him, ‘Matt, what were you two talking about?’
“Matt replied, ‘She just told me about an exhibit that opens next week. I told her I probably wouldn’t be able to make it.’ His story didn’t seem to make much sense, but I let it slide for now. Matt carried the tray over to the elephant area as I walked beside him. We sat down at a picnic table and I unwrapped my cheeseburger and picked it up.
“I looked at the meal in my hands and wasn’t thrilled. I don’t think that I had ever seen a burger that looked this bad in my life. It had white stuff all around the edges and when I tore it in half the inside was cold. ‘This is pretty gross,’ I said, “I can’t eat this.’ The meal was undercooked and I wasn’t going to touch it. I stood up and then walked over to the garbage can to dump it in the trash. I spent the rest of lunch miserable stealing fry after fry from Matt’s plate. At least they hadn’t screwed those up.
“After lunch Matt asked me if I wanted to leave. Even though I did, I told him, ‘No, let’s look at a few more animals first. Your choice.’ He rolled his eyes and brought to the lion’s den. I looked it at the lion and was unimpressed. The lion was lying on the ground. I turned to the sign to read a list of facts about lions. They weren’t that interesting. Lionesses catch food and the lions eat first, so in that respect they are just like humans today. They drink for 20 minutes and eat for 4 hours. They are lazy and slothful, I thought, and that one in there won’t really do anything.
“The lions were boring me so I touched Matt on the shoulder and then headed for the nearest animal. It was the tiger. They were prettier than the lions, but they were just as boring. Matt walked up and joined me and finally, I decided to tell him the truth.
“ ‘You know,’ I began, ‘honestly, this zoo visit really sucked. I didn’t enjoy myself at all.’
“ ‘Yeah, I figured that,’ Matt said, ‘considering that you’ve been saying that all day. Let’s go home now.’
“I followed him to the car so that we could go home, wondering why he thought I had hated the zoo before I just talked to
him. I hadn’t said anything all day and I had smiled the whole time we were there, except at that cheeseburger, but that was just gross. When we got into the car Matt put his hands in his face and I watched him. After a few moments he put the keys in the ignition and started up the car.“We drove home in silence. Whenever I looked over at him I wanted to say something, but I could tell by his pursed lips that it wasn’t the time or the place. I felt bad, I thought that it might have been something that I had said, and I would hate to cause Matt any pain. He was really a sweet guy. We pulled into the apartment driveway and his lips looked a lot less pursed. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t have much fun today. I hope you had some fun though, I wouldn’t have wanted to ruin your day too.’
“He replied, ‘Don’t worry about it, Tori. I still had fun.’
“He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. We left the car after and walked into the apartment. I walked into the bathroom and started the hot water. I had been feeling a bit weird all day. I was hoping that a bath would do wonders for me. I decided to put some Epsom salts into the bath, since that usually helped to relax me. Then to have a little fun, I threw in a blue and a red crayola bath dye. I liked to change the colors of the water when I take a bath. The last thing I do before I step into the bath is to grab my favorite CD, the soundtrack from Beyond the Sea, and put it in the CD player in the bathroom so that I could really relax in the tub.
“I settled into the tub and just listened to the music. I just wanted to forget about the world and think.
“I laid in the bathtub for over an hour; it felt so good to relax for the first time in awhile. Bobby Darin’s music sung by Kevin Spacey made me remember the movie, and then about all the other movies that Kevin Spacey was in like American Beauty when he strips naked and starts working out. I thought about him for the longest time until I realized that I was really horny. I wanted sex that night. I finished up my bath and went into the bedroom where I put on a sheer negligee and put my hair up. Then I smiled and walked out of the bedroom.
“I looked over at Matt as I entered the room. I licked my lips and then smacked my lips to get his attention. He looked over at me and I swore that I saw his jaw drop. I climbed over to him and took his arm. I led him into the bedroom and let him undress me as I undressed him.
“I threw him on the bed and he climbed on top of me and he got to work. At first, it felt great. He was really into it, but then I realized that he wasn’t changing anything as we went along. It was almost like a jackhammer. He stopped after a little while right after he climaxed. He was never able to hold out long. He looked at me and then laid down next to me. I looked over at my autographed picture of Kevin Spacey and sighed. I bet’d he do better than that. I turned to Matt, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, ‘That was wonderful!’
“I rolled back over on my back and glanced over at my dresser. There was a variety of vibrators in there that would have done a much better job of pleasuring me. It seemed that lately sex had become a bunch of sessions of me just lying on the bed feeling fat while he rabbit-humped me.
“At this point, Matt, pulled himself up onto his elbows and glared at me, ‘You know, I’ve had enough of your shit. All you’ve done all day is narrate your life and show me how much you hate everything we do. I’m going to my cousin Michael’s place and when I come back to my apartment tomorrow I hope that you’re gone. I know I don’t pleasure you, maybe you should find someone who does!’
“ ‘But Matt, what do you mean I’ve been narrating my life all day?’ I was shocked, I couldn’t believe him.
“ ‘Look!,’ he shouted. ‘You’re doing it again.’ With that he jumped out of the bed and pulled on his clothes and I had so roughly torn off of him earlier. My night is not going well, I thought to myself.
“I put my head down on the pillow and started to drift off to sleep.
******
“I woke up the next morning and was unsure what I was going to do. I decided to look in the phone book for something to help me with my inner monologue. In the phone book I found an entry to group therapy and looked up the address. I made my way into the bedroom and filled a bag with a few shirts and pants and other essentials. I figured that while I might get help and come back to Matt, I should probably spent a few nights over at a friend’s house. I left early in the morning for the therapy place.
“I made my way there before Matt came home. I didn’t want him to find me there. I knew he was mad at me. He had never been so mad at me. He told me that I had been narrating my thoughts all through the previous day. That explained the glares from everyone that I got yesterday, not to mention the looks I had been getting all through my walk and the ones that I am getting right now.
“I got there close to 9:00 am and the door was locked. I decided to wait outside and read my copy of Mack the Knife by Charlie Martin that I had recently picked up at the bookstore. I always carry my latest book by Martin wherever I go. I was glad I didn’t forget it today. My favorite book that Martin had written was Reality Check, but Shadowslayers was good as well. This book was a great one too, at least it had been from what I had read so far. The last thing I read was about the character Matt getting shot. I hoped that he resolved it well… I read on…
“I read the words out loud so that I wouldn’t be thinking much as I waited.
******“Around 10:00 a man showed up, ‘Excuse me, sir?’
“ ‘Yes, young lady?’ he answered.
“ ‘Do you run group therapy?’
“ ‘yes, in fact, I do.’ His response was matter of fact, just like I like.
“I responded, “Excellent… you see, I’m having a problem with my inner monologue. I found out it was broken last night when I was cooking dinner.’ I know that I lied to him, but I didn’t want to tell him that I had actually found out when my boyfriend failed to pleasure me in bed.
“The man looked a little uncomfortable, ‘Miss, come on in, hopefully we’ll be able to help you some.’
“Thank god, I thought, at least someone was going to help me. I walked into the room to find out all about when group therapy would start.
“After I found out all about the times, I departed to walk to my friend’s house. She lived only a block away from building that group therapy was being held in. I arrived in good time and knocked on the door.
“My friend answered after a couple of minutes. She was wearing make-up, she looked gorgeous. ‘Hi Wendy!’
“ ‘Hi Vicki, what’s up.’ she responded, giving me a look of bewilderment.
“I didn’t want to like to her, so I told her the truth. ‘My inner monologue seems to be broken and I’ve been narrating my life. Matt got mad and me and so I’m here asking for a place to stay for awhile.’
“ ‘What do you plan to do about your problem?’ She asked with good reason.
“ ‘I’m going to group therapy.’
“She invited me in at this point and I gave her a hug. She was great friend and I knew that I would have to repay her somehow.
“ ‘You don’t have to repay me, Vicki.’
“I wondered how she knew what I was thinking, and then it dawned on me. God, this interior monologue thing was going to be a problem.
“I unpacked my stuff and then looked at the time. I waved good-bye to Wendy and set out to group therapy for my first session.
Group Therapy | Case 1 | Case 2 | Case 3 | Case 4 | Case 5
Case 6 | Case 7 | Case 8 | Case 9 | Case 10 | Therapy Session