Case 1: Wonder Dan “No need to thank me,” I said, casually shaving her cat. Her eyes were wide and her face had the all too common shock of gratitude displayed across it. She was speechless. “I’d do it for anyone.”
Finally she opened her mouth to speak. “But… why? Why did you do that to my precious little Pernou?” I had gotten this question before… in, fact I get it all the time.
“I’m surprised you didn’t know,” I begin, as I straighten up my blue and yellow ducky quilt cape and my brown 1920’s aviator’s cap and begin to tell my story…
“The year is 1982. It is a cold morning in the late month of November. At precisely 4:36 in the afternoon my mother went into labor. It was a long process that took exactly 6 hours and 22 minutes. At the end of this time, my mother gave birth to the person sitting in front of you today.”
“What does that have to do with my cat,” she interjected.
“Sit quiet,” I told her, “I’m in the middle of a story… I’ll get to it when I get to it.”
“It was a lonely childhood. The other children wouldn’t play with me. Sometimes I wouldn’t even play with me. I got sad… very sad. Luckily, my mother had made me a beautiful ducky quilt for me to curl up in and cry. However, since I was still sad, my mother decided that I needed a friend so she went out one morning and brought me back a small cat. I named him Eccentric. Eccentric was perfect so I bought him a brush to use, but when I got home I found out that he had no hair. He had always had no hair since he was a sphinx cat, but I didn’t want to see him like that anymore. So, I donned my magical black aviator’s hat…”
“Your hat is brown…”
“Black aviator’s cap,” I continued. I have flown around town finding cats that would willingly give up they’re fur to help a great cause…Eccentric’s cause…
“That’s crazy,” she muttered. “Now get out of my house and stay away from Pernou and my family. You nut job!”
Funny… they always react that way when I’m done explaining my story. I laughed; poor thing doesn’t know the truth from a hole in the ground.“Well, Ma’am… I’m off to find some other lucky soul to donate to Eccentric.”
“How do you plan on attaching the hair anyway?” She called…
“With the power of my mind... Wonder Dan away!” and with that I jump out the window to find my next job.
This neighborhood used to have major problems, until I got on the job anyway, old ladies were walking across the street alone, without anyone to help them, people were swearing incessantly in every place imaginable, and evil was in the streets and on the sidewalks. When I was young I spent most of my time alone, just as I had told the wonderful lady who donated her cat’s hair to me for Eccentric, but I was a normal child, or at least I thought I was a normal child, little did I know that I was something special. One morning, about a year ago, I saw an old lady at a crosswalk and no one in the road was stopping for her. I was appalled, but I also began to feel empowered. I rushed over to the lady and helped her across the street. I ran into some trouble that trip across the road, but luckily I had a delicious turkey sandwich in my hand to help me. I threw it in front of a car as it was approaching and it stopped.
Of course, things have changed since then. I have upgraded my weapons and donned my signature outfit. I also know more about my real family. The people that I call my parents aren’t really my parents at all. I found a paper that had been faxed from my native country Xerox. My parents told me that it was a “test page” from their printer, but I knew the truth. The magenta, yellow, and cyan stripes on the page had a code for me, and if I had only been a mere human, I wouldn’t have known what they said. I haven’t told my parents that I know yet though. They know that I am doing my duty now and that I am happy protecting the world from evil. They support me and I think it would kill them if they knew the truth.
Walking down the street I know I will pass by Officer Dragosljvich yet again. He’s either a lazy man or a persistent one. I’m not sure which. He never seems to leave that spot. He’s a tall man with an oak-like complexion, a ton of arms, and a full head of leafy green hair. I don’t know why he dyes it that color. It just doesn’t look natural. My mom says he’s probably just a tree, but I know better… I know. Dragosljvich has been after me for sometime now. He’s an ex-Nazi who is trying to destroy the world and he knows the only way to do this is to get rid of his antagonist, which would be yours truly.
I need a disguise, I think to myself, and reach into my bag and pull out my multi-colored hand-knit hat with the ear flaps my parents from the planet Xerox sent with me when I was sent to earth. Stuffing my aviator cap into my cap and gently ramming the hand-knit hat upon my head, I rushed into the local supermarket for a dozen eggs. After paying the requisite cash, I opened the box and began smashing them into my forehead. The egg yolk is a wonderful disguise as it keeps me from being recognized… To the average person it was nothing but to a Xeroxian wearing a hat made in Xerox it works wonders.
The clerk screamed at me, “What do you think you’re doing?”
Before rushing away I replied, “No time to talk, good citizen… I’ll keep you safe.”
Back out on the street, I casually strolled my way past Officer Dragosljvich and down the street. Luckily, my disguise worked and I made my way past him successfully. About 5 blocks down the road I heard a call of distress. After switching my hat back to my aviator’s cap and wiping my face on the grass in the park, I raced toward the call to find a sketchy man with a rooster selling cock-a-doodle-doo chips. Hearing the vulgarity coming out of this man’s mouth I pulled my arm back and prepared to punch the rooster in the face. The rooster, using his keen intellect and quick reflexes fought back as my hand came down and pecked me on the fist.
I jumped up screaming in pain while the rooster prepared to a second attack. I couldn’t let him beat me. I had to do something to stop him. Using my massive brain, I tore off my ducky quilt and threw it over the rooster. I saw a fist coming out of the corner of my eye… Finally the good citizen was about to assist me in containing the vicious beast.
I awoke several hours later in a daze. The man and the vicious beast were no where to be found. I only hoped that the poor citizen was able to get away. The rooster was a crafty fellow and I couldn’t believe that I was unable to stop him from imprisoning the man. I would have to search for the man later. Until then I needed to drown my shame and disappointment in a tall glass of Xeroxian Juice.
Picking up my ducky quilt and attaching it back around my shoulders, I turned to head back to the supermarket. While the supermarket may not have Xeroxian Juice, they do have all the ingredients to make it. Taking a short-cut back to the supermarket, avoiding Officer Dragosljvich, I walked in and purchased the ingredients. I bought a tall glass, a 1-liter of Mountain Dew, and a quart of 2% milk. After paying I walked over to the in store café and opened up the Dew and Milk. Combining them into the tall glass I stirred the concoction with my thumb and then took a swig.
I felt my superpowers recharging and I felt stronger and ready to fight again. Xeroxian Juice has special powers to our people. Every time we drink the creation our bodies are renewed with energy unknown to mere earthlings. This mixture is how Xeroxians maintain their powers outside of their home planet. After drinking the entire glass of juice I threw the glass in the trash and recycled the milk and Mountain Dew bottles, because Wonder Dan is always kind to the environment. After doing my duty for the environment I wiped the Xeroxian Juice from my upper lip, adjusted my cape, and headed for the door.
Not being sure where my adventures would take me next, I paused outside the doors that magically open for me, and surveyed the land before me. Checking my watch, I saw that the time was 12:45 which meant I had to fly to the local Zippy Cola factory for a TV spot. I had been writing letters offering my services for this week at 5:00 and I couldn’t be late for my appointment.
I took the bus. On planet Xerox I would have flown, but I didn’t want to draw to much attention to myself. I do try to stay incognito most of the time. I arrived at the Zippy Cola factory around 1:02 and walked into the front doors. Announcing myself to the secretary I stated, “Here I am! Wonder Dan is here to serve and promote your delicious cola!” I don’t usually drink Zippy Cola, it doesn’t have near enough caffeine, nor the milky taste that I require, but I felt doing a good deed was worth the pain of drinking the stuff for a commercial. The secretary looked over to the person in the office behind her, asked me to have a seat, and walked over to the man in the office. She closed the door as she entered and I noticed the words:
SECURITY OFFICE
written in big, bold lettering. I waited as patiently as I could. At around 1:04 I got bored however and took out the game of jacks from my pocket, sat down on the floor, and proceeded to play a game against myself.I would have won the game if the lady hadn’t reappeared from the office followed by two very large men dressed in navy and sky blue. The men picked me up by the arms and carried me out the door. I must have gotten the date wrong, I thought to myself.
I started to walk away when a disturbing thought crossed my mind. My jacks. I almost teared up when I realized that I had forgotten the game when the two nice men walked me out of the building. I had to return I thought, but I didn’t want it to seem like I had forgotten anything, especially something important like my game. I had to use all of my cunning to retrieve the game…
I quickly thought up a brilliant plan. Crawling on my hands and knees I reached up to open the factory’s doors. I quietly and quickly crawled over to my game gathered it up and stuck it into my fanny pack, right next to my peanut butter and sweet pickle sandwiches. While crawling out I rammed my head into a chair. It would have hurt, but my hat protected me. Luckily my ducky quilt also doubles as an invisibility cloak when I press the orange beak on the third ducky up from the lower left hand corner, so when the secretary turned her head at the noise she wouldn’t have seen me. I quickly crawled out of the studio and crawled down the driveway just to be certain that she didn’t see me. I released the invisibility on the cloak by pressing the orange beak on the third ducky up from the lower right hand corner and continued on my way.
I remembered just then that it was time for my daily charity work. Today I would be going to the local correctional facility to sing songs. My songs are inspirational and I just knew that I could help at least one crazy guy. Walking into the local dollar store I bought myself a brand new ukulele to play for the men. While there I also picked up a new set of jacks, just in case what happened at the factory happened again. I couldn’t be without my jacks. I paid the lady $2.13, I knew it was too much, but the lady was so nice, she deserved a tip.
“Sir, would you like your penny back,” she called.
“No, thanks ma’am,” I called back, “Please, keep the change for yourself. Buy yourself something nice.”
I was on my way again to spread my inspirational message to the men at the correctional facility. Although, I do daily charity work, I only come to the correctional facility once a week. I used to go into the facility, but the men who run the joint told me that the inmates got too worked up over my visits so I couldn’t come anymore. I worked around that by just sitting outside the barbed wire fence and doing my shows from there. Besides the men usually were outside exercising during this time anyway.
When I arrived, I found my usual patch of grass and reaching into my fanny pack pulled out a napkin. I unfolded the napkin and placed it on the ground. After resting myself upon my seat I pulled out my new red ukulele and began singing my latest composition.
Smile, the world is full of daisies
Smile, you’ll never be alone
Wishes are aren’t just for the lazy
So please, always watch your tone.You can be anything
If you only follow the rules
You didn’t before and are in the bin
Don’t you all just feel like tools.Smile, the world is full of daisies
Smile, you’ll never be alone
Wishes are aren’t just for the lazy
So please, always watch your tone.I stood up and took a bow. The men were doing a variety of things. Some were staring at me, others were pushing to get back inside. I usually make the men want to go back inside after one of my songs. I’m pretty sure that my influence is making that be better men. I’m almost certain they are running inside to scrub floors or something.
Doing charity work takes a lot out of me; I was starting to get tired. I thought I might need a rest so I decided to head to my secret hideout. Before I left I took one of my peanut butter and sweet pickle sandwiches out of my fanny pack and wiped my brow. Ah, that was much better. I picked up my napkin and stuck in the garbage on my way through the park. When I got to my mom’s yard I snuck into the backyard and climbed up the rope ladder into my secret tree house hideaway. No one can find me when I’m up here.
My earth father made this tree house for me when I first arrived in the world, and that was the exact wording that he used. I should have known about who I was earlier, just because of that line, “the day you first arrived in the world.” It all made sense. The tree house was great. It had everything that I could ever need in a secret hiding place. First and foremost, it was high up in a tree and allowed me to see a lot of the neighborhood, which makes it a lot easier to keep the neighborhood safe, I can tell you that.
The inside was designed by me; well at least everything but the entrance, exits, and the shape was the place, since that was all built before I was really able to walk around. It has everything that a superhero could need. On the walls are inspirational posters of cute kittens; my favorite is the cute kitten hanging from a rope asking for strength. There are two bean bag chairs, one purple and one tiger printed. There is also my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sleeping bag which provides me with all the rest that a man, like myself, could need. There were plenty of other items in my hideout that were great as well as served a purpose to me in my crime fighting. An example of such would be my mini cooler with Capri Sun juices in case I got thirsty when I was up here, as well as a stash of skittles and milk chocolate M&M’s. I liked to take two skittles and two M&M’s and eat them together. It made a delicious snack.
I took off my ducky cape, crawled on my ninja turtle sleeping bag and covered myself up. I laid my head on my giant pillow that is the shape of a dog. I knocked three times on the wall of the tree house, once on the floor, and then stuck my thumb in my mouth. I fell asleep tasting my thumb which still tasted partly like
Xeroxian juice. I slept like a baby for 1 hour.When I awoke, I sat up slowly rubbing my eyes to get the sleep out. Blast, I thought! I don’t want to be late for my daily stroll around the neighborhood. The neighbors sure are lucky that I’m here to protect and serve them, especially with Dragosljvich around to cause chaos. I swiftly reattach my ducky quilt around my shoulders and dust off my aviator’s cap before masterfully sliding down the escape rope, dropping to the ground within 8 seconds.
After reaching my destination of ground central, I took off in a flash out to stop the dastardly deeds being committed around the neighborhood. My first stop was at the local library to stop children and adults alike from reading too loud. This world will be a safer place when hooligans are quiet, even at the library.
After perusing the aisles and seeing no evil doers (I must have gotten through to those rapscallions yesterday) I decided to take a quick break to read through my favorite book, for you see, even superheroes need to challenge their minds. I walked over to where the book sits, picked it up, brought it over to my favorite blue beanbag chair and sat cross-legged opening up the ragged book covers and began to read.
Curious George is a genius. Not only is he a monkey, but he has the craziest adventures. My favorite is the story; Curious George Goes to an Ice Cream Parlor. I’m always surprised to find out what George has cooked up. Every time I read it, I expect to have something else happen. For some reason though, he always does the same exact thing. Take George and the man in the yellow hat. They always go to the same ice cream shop... and for some reason the ice cream shop has always just opened. It makes no sense to me, but I make do with the story. The story is my favorite because I love ice cream… I mean everyone but Dragosljvich likes ice cream.
Once, wearing a great disguise, on the holiday earthlings call Halloween, I offered the giant some delicious black raspberry ice cream. He didn’t even speak up… he never speaks up.
Speaking of the evil officer, I know not all men are bad men, I also know some bad men can be turned to the good side. I offered to help turn him back to good once, but no persuading could help him. Around that time I had gotten a sidekick, but that didn’t work out. Slapnuts tried to spank me once, and I had let him go. I told him that we don’t do that around these parts. That was about 3 weeks ago and it was only 2 weeks ago that I acquired my new sidekick Eccentric. Eccentric usually won’t come on missions with me, though. Speaking of Eccentric… I knew that I should be off at this time to continue my patrol of the neighborhood once more, as well as look for some more lovely donors to help my cat’s cause.
I departed the library to continue my route. The neighborhood seemed uneventful until I met up with the reprehensible Rufus. Rufus is a guard dog who “guards” a large house over by the park. His owners must be evil; otherwise they would contain the brute. I reached down to calm the little Pomeranian, but it was no dice, he was still a wild beast at heart. I was just about to pull my cape off and use it to trap the dog, but he attacked first and tried to jump on me. I ran to the nearest tree and climbed up as far as I could go. The dog sniffed around at the base of the tree for a couple of minutes and then got bored and left. I was safe, but I knew I had to do something soon to thwart the dog and his owner’s evil plan. That would have to wait though… I was busy doing other things.
After finishing my tour of the neighborhood I ran back to the park to pay my respects to the king of the squirrels, Squirrelious Maximus. People have the wrong idea of squirrels you see, most think of squirrel as mindless nut gatherers, but I know better. Squirrels are playful little creatures and are smarter than most humans. They enjoy playing tricks on humans and they respect those who realize how intelligent the really are. The reason most people don’t respect squirrels is because they run in front of human’s cars. Let me tell you here and now though, they only do this on a dare from their friends. You see, while they may be smarter than most beings on earth, they can not refuse a good dare. Ever seen that Geico commercial starring the squirrels that cause a car to careen off of the road? That wasn’t staged. Those were my friends, Squirely Squirrel and Squarely Squirrel. They were just playing around and a camera man shooting a car commercial happened to catch them on camera. They then sold the film to Geico for their own needs.
As I was saying before, I stopped by to pay my respects to the dear king of squirrels. Squirrelious is a great man who helped to take a blow against Dragosljvich. One day I saw the king as he flitted across the street and when he saw Dragosljvich he dove at his ankles and then climbed all the way up to his shoulders and bit his face. Even though, the Officer kept quiet, I could tell he was in utter agony. Ever since that day I have come by once a week to give Squirrelious some sort of nut as my way of saying thanks. Today I was bringing cashews.
Do you remember those little tables they used to give you when you ordered a pizza? They used to place them inside the box in the middle of the pizza. Well, I used to collect them whenever my parents would order a pizza when I was little. I have about 150 little tables. Now I finally have a use for them. I stopped in the park near the squirrel king’s favorite bush. I kneeled down and took out a table and put it on the ground, and then I pulled out 5 cashews and placed them on the table. After this, I called out to him and offered him my respect. I stood up and bowed toward the bush and then flew off in the direction opposite of the evil Pomeranian.
As I neared the bank I noticed a lady jamming in fingers into the ATM. She seemed frustrated so I skipped up to her.
“What seems to be the problem, young lady?”
The woman with the white-gray hair laughed and her eyes which were surrounded by wrinkles were sparkling, “Oh kind sir, there isn’t much of a problem; I’m just waiting for my card to come out of the machine. It’s taking longer than usual.”
An ATM card? Stuck? That machine is bent on doing wrong, I could tell. “Stand back Ma’am, this seems like a job for Wonder Dan!” I could only think of one thing to do. I reached into my utility fanny pack and pulled out another peanut butter and sweet pickle sandwich. I took aim and tossed it at the 3 key. On impact the card spit out and the lady turned to me and smiled.
“Why, thank you Wonder Dan. Would you like a piece of gum as thanks?”
“I would love a slice of gum.” She pulled a slice of gum out of her hand bag and handed it to me. I thanked her for the gum and offered her my services any time she needed me, and she told me that she would keep that in mind. I unwrapped the slice of gum and stuck it in my mouth. Yum, Bubbalicious.
The sun was going down over the horizon when I realized that it was time for me to head home for the night. The world was safe once again and I knew that I had done my job well. As I drew nearer to home I saw a beautiful long haired American tabby cat sitting on the sidewalk. I ran up to him hoping he would be willing to donate some of his fur for Eccentric, but he ran ahead of me. I chased after him until I saw him run up to Dragosljvich. I wasn’t sure what to do, but I had to see that cat.
When I got up to Dragosljvich I asked him if I could see the cat, but he didn’t answer me, as per usual. I walked up closer and noticed that he had a patch of hair sitting on one of his lower arms. I asked if I could have it and he nodded his head with a low whistle that sounded a lot like wind going through the trees. I took the hairpiece and smiled. This had to be a peace offering. Maybe I had finally gotten through to the giant man.
Overwhelmed with joy, I raced forward and gave the man a giant bear hug. I was sobbing happily that I had turned him from the dark side and as I pulled away I gave him a big smile. I knew I had to get home though. So I waved good-bye to the man and told him that I would see him tomorrow.
As soon as I got home I went into my bedroom and saw Eccentric. I picked him up and gave him a big kiss on the forehead. I recapped the part of my day that had to do with finding him hair, including my turning Officer Dragosljvich into a great guy. When I finished I placed the hair on the cats back and turned to go into the living room.
******
“…and then, when I walked out of my bedroom I walked into the living room to find you guys here waiting for me.”
“Do you know why we’re here?” asked Dr. Motts. My social worker was sitting in the living room as well as my psychiatrist, Dr. Jekyll. My parents were there as well.
“I assumed you were just here to hear about my day and all of the people I have helped.”
“No Dan…”
“Wonder Dan, you mean.”
“No Dan,” my psychiatrist interjected. “We’re here because you need help. Although your parent’s don’t agree with us, Dr. Motts and I think you need more than
just us to help you become more normal.”“That’s why,” Dr. Motts continued, “we’re here. We think you should start group therapy as well. We think being around supportive people is what you need to help you out.”
He was jealous, I could tell. Dr. Motts used to be both my social worker and my side kick, but he gave that up and now he was upset that I didn’t count him as my partner anymore. I turned to my parent’s for help, but I noticed my mom had tears in her eyes.
“Why is my mom crying, Dr. Motts?” I asked.
“We told you that we want you in group therapy. As your family’s social worker I told her that if she didn’t agree that you would be placed in a foster family until you are 18.”
I turned to my mom… “Don’t worry,” I told her, “I’ll go and continue my crime fighting on my days off.”
She smiled at me. She may only be my earth mom, but she and earth dad are the best adoptive parents a 15 year old like me could have.
After the Doctors left, I went and gave my mom and dad a big hug and told them that the neighborhood wasn’t safe yet and told them I needed to sleep in my secret hiding place tonight. They agreed that I should and as I turned to walk out the door, Eccentric walked out of my bedroom door and over to me. Finally, I thought, now that he has hair he was ready to do some crime fighting with me… I picked him up placed him on my shoulders and walked out the door while waving to my parents…
“Wonder Dan and Eccentric away!”
Group Therapy | Case 1 | Case 2 | Case 3 | Case 4 | Case 5
Case 6 | Case 7 | Case 8 | Case 9 | Case 10 | Therapy Session
